Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Enter Here

So, let's see...the mind plays tricks on a person, so I'd better get this all down before I forget. We got to the hospital yesterday at 6 a.m. I had the sweetest and most amazing nurses bar none. I was pre-registered so they put in an i.v. which almost made me pass out (what IS that? I can push a whole person out of my body, but I can't handle a tiny little needle in the forearm?!). They started the pitocin drip, which, for the uninitiated, is the hormone that causes the contractions that move the baby into position and get things crack-a-lackin'. The dosage kept being upped for some time, contractions got more intense...anesthesiologist

came in about 10:30 a.m. to do my epidural which, let me tell you, folks, is not a laugh riot, but isn't NEARLY as awful as it could be. So...now I've got clear tubing in my arm feeding me hormones, a contracting uterus, and now a clear tube in my spinal column feeding me delicious drugs. An aside: When I had Aidan, I also had an epidural, 11 hours after beginning contractions/pitocin. Those contractions weren't fun, but they, as it turns out, were NOTHING. When that epidural went in, I felt nothing. My legs were numb, my pelvis was numb, I slept until Aidan was almost out of me waking every 30 minutes or so to say pithy things and smile at the 27 people in my room. This was NOT the case this time.
I digress: I got my epidural, nothing was numb, but it was working, the sensitivity, the PAIN in the lady bits was gone...but I could still feel my contractions and most everything else...legs still worked, all that. What I did not realize was that things were about to get, uh, interesting.

About 1:30, I started FEELING the contractions, that is, they started to be painful enough that I couldn't concentrate on anything but breathing through them. Still okay...about 2:30, they started to get bad enough that I kept getting nauseous when they'd spike. Now, again for the uninitiated, a contraction feels something like a cross between the worst foot cramp you've ever had and the worst stomach flu you've ever had... if those two cramps combined and ganged up on your entire pelvis, that would be a contraction. That's without an epidural...WITH this epidural, I could only feel the contraction in on spot in my pelvis, but the pain would shoot down my legs a la previously mentioned foot cramp. They were a minute or so apart, 30-45 seconds long and coming rapid fire. Not fun...but...idk...relieving because I knew the pain was FOR something.

Now, once again. I never really FELT what this all was when I had Aidan. So I never really felt the urge to push. Let me tell you folks, it's intense. It's not something one can control. It's like you're helpless. So, about 2 hours after the real contractions started, the awesome nurse Barbara transformed our sweet little room into a birthing suite, flipped on the kleig lights, I pushed for about 15 minutes, hit my doc in the face with a splash of blood (which TOTALLY disconcerted Andy), and there he was. I felt it all...it was amazing and painful and one of the most impressive things I've ever done. Biology is fascinating.

Many stitches (I tore again, another thing I got to FEEL as I was stitched up...yipes!), a shower, some housekeeping, and a 1/3 of a Braum's bacon-cheeseburger later and I feel great. I'm waiting to go home. I'm sore, I'm happy, and I'm ready to finish my dissertation. Half my summer goals down, half to go. Thanks to all of you for your sweet wishes. I'm sorry to have been so cranky these past weeks and I hope we'll see you all soon.

P.S. It only took 4 months for me to remember to write down that the umbilical cord was wrapped around Archer's neck and no one told me while I was in labor. What is that about? Seriously. Demand full disclosure from your doctor, all you pregnant people. Because otherwise, you're gonna feel a little bit out of the loop. Or pissed. Or both.