041307 - missing things

There is something very painful about watching your child shift from baby to toddler. I remember sitting in my rocking chair with Aidan. His feet kicked into my ribcage while his head was nestled just above my heart. I would stroke the tops of his feet, marveling that I actually grew something with feet inside of me. I was certain that nothing could be better.

Then he got older.

His feet, seeking solid ground, would point out the toes and try to capture the arms of the chair, head still tucked right below my collar bone. I'd tickle his feet, watching delighted that he had FEELINGS and could find something ticklish.

And now; his feet hang over the arm rest of the chair, dangling impatiently while I sing to him before bed time, getting what touches of the feet he will allow. He's clever enough now to realize that if he moves them, I'll stop tickling.

He is still peaceful, still content to rest his head in its comfortable home, but the time is slowly passing and I am finding him more and more apt to fall asleep on his own, with no persuasion on my part. I no longer nurse him. Those days are far behind me. I give him a bottle, then kisses from Daddy, then a short song or book and off to dream land.

While the autonomy of children is our goal as parents, it is still so hard to watch happen. I see him walk around, discovering things on his own;

"This table is hard and makes tremendously fun noises when banged on with all the educational toys Mom and Dad have bought for me. I think I'll see how many times I can hit the Baby Einstein sunshine on the table before that Mozart guy shuts up."

"Pumpkin the cat is terrified of me, so I will gleefully chase her around the house while screeching like a panther."

"The grape that fell off my high chair this morning is no longer as tasty at 6 p.m."

"Wow, my Mommy is really a lot bigger than I am. I wonder if my butt is ever going to be that big?"

"Hey! If I yank on my diaper long enough, it'll come off and I can look at what's inside! I DO have a butt! And it's got stuff on it! I wonder how that tastes…."

And so on.

Ah, the brief deliciousness of a clean child; the sugary scent of a newly washed baby. It's so fleeting. I understand now why old ladies always want to smell him. Just that hint of the newness and the youth that they have almost forgotten…revisited through the Johnson and Johnson's that you don't realize, one day, you will miss too.