041109 - Dear Future Self

At this particular juncture in your life, you have finally begun finding a way to defend yourself against the constant stream of self-hatred that spews from your mind. That being said, you have gotten into the particularly nasty habit of counter-striking this caustic river with the constant struggle to achieve perfection. This is not possible and you might find yourself alienating those you love most if you don't stop it. It is okay to have a house that is merely clean, not pristine...it is fine to ask for help, it is no reflection on you or your value if the people you once made swoon no longer light up when you walk into the room. You are still worthwhile. To your children, you hang the moon, literally. You are the teller of stories and the holder of favorite toys. You are the preparer of yummy tortilla sandwiches and the fixer of owies. It will be okay. They are going to grow up and you can't stop that from happening. They will grow to the point where they don't need you and that is the goal. You will remember to always let them make their own choices because you will have given them the ability to make good ones. You will remember, when they bring home young girls who will become fiance and wives and eventually the mothers of your grandchildren, that you ARE NOT in control of their lives any more. You will still remember their tiny little voices asking for one more story, song, or kiss. And it is these things that will define you, not your dishes or aching back. Not your laundry or your unkempt hair. It is this love and its never failing patience that you will give them and that they will remember. Do not be afraid of the passing time...it isn't the enemy and it is literally the one thing in this world that you will never be able to control. Love the minutes you have and remember to breathe.