022708 - Faith

Lately, I've been doing lots of thinking about my spirituality or lack thereof. Andy and I have done some talking about churches and such...but I decided to widen the net. The following is a letter I sent to my very good friend Lori about my current beliefs and issues with churches...I know that it isn't something people in our (me and my friends/blog-readers) demographic typically sit around and discuss...but I think it should be. So please read at least part of it and give me some feedback. In light of the recent NPR report that more Americans than ever are free-floating through different faiths, I feel sure I am not the only one who feels some void in my life where faith should reside.

I have maintained an enduring faith in God and in Jesus. I've never inwardly doubted the presence of these...I've prayed, abided by the commandments, and tried to be good to mankind...my beef is with the bible.

I have exhausted myself trying to get someone to show me proof that the bible is verifiable words of God. Now, I don't doubt that God WOULD have said some of it, maybe even did...but so much of it is written by men as an historical record and a code of law to help govern a very difficult group of citizens. I find the bible falliable and the common threads of all religions that also appear in the book to be infalliable...the golden rule, no false idols, no disrespect to elders, respect and sacrifice, honesty...those things are as omnipresent as the idea of a creator. They ring true. What doesn't is the idea that a loving God, to me, the wisest and most powerful scientist, would make his greatest science experiment...mankind...then make rules that are wildly contradictory to the instinctual behaviors of his creations.

I know that the idea of Satan plays in there, but I am unclear on whether the idea of Satan is a tangible manifestation of temptation and urges to be ugly to one another...I think sometimes that the writers of Revelation were doing their very best to use fear to control political/social rebellions and came up with the scariest of images.

My problem is that there is no way to know. I have faith. By definition unprovable...that there is a kind and just God...it's the accessories that I'm unsure of. Organized religions have turned into big business and I am unwilling to put myself on a big machine if I don't know who's driving. Perhaps I've grown so accustomed to interpreting literature that the bible has lost it's sacred nature. I do think it is a generally good set of instructions...but all of the "literal" interpreting churches I've been in (and there have been many) have cherry-picked the verses to which they want to strictly adhere...that is, all of the restrictions on food they ignore and call outdated...well...those were functional rules...don't eat fish on Friday...it was a sanitation issue...don't wear short skirts/pants as a woman...help control the wilder of the men and prevent rapes by taking away the temptation...so if we have to adhere to the bible's message...why do we not also adhere to those rules?

It's all very confusing. I don't mean to sound argumentative or agnostic...I am very much a believer...and with respect to some things, I know and accept that we CANNOT know and maybe are not intended to know...but I will no longer blindly believe anything. I have gotten myself into too much trouble doing that in the past.

I know that for many of you, this is tiresome and you haven't even read this far...but please, if you have opinions, I'd like to hear them. Questions of faith and belief are so taboo lately...I think an honest discussion about God/Christ/faith is desperately rare. I am so limited in my scope in some ways...I am truly interested in your thoughts/experiences.