02007 - clarity

There are stolen moments in my day; brief and oh-so-guilty moments when I forget I am a Mother.

Little A becomes more independent daily, and with his new-found 2 hour nap, I have a whole gap of time in which I might give myself a pedicure, have a glass of wine, call an old friend, or even get some work done. In those moments, I am not the one and only for a toddler, I am not the do-er of laundry and the cleaner of floors...I am a woman. A true and honest person with feelings and needs and desires. I remember to want my husband and comb my hair. I remember to change my clothes and put on some eye-liner. I am still, somewhere hidden deep behind the bags under my eyes and the decaying girlhood that I posses, still yet a child. One who loves flowers and shiny things. One who devours poetry and books. Someone silly and dare I say it? Shallow.
How I miss being shallow. The opressive stink of the severity of a new mother...trying so desperately to not forget something important that might damage her child for life overwhelms and clouds the mind... but in these stolen moments, I get to ease the lines on my face and smile...not the wide open, joyful smile that breaks through when I look at my son, but the shy and contemplative smile of someone remembering a fond memory; a lost love, a moment of shocking clarity. Those are the breaths that make me both cherish the many hours I have with the joys of my life and long for the next moment of youth.