.....Not, you know, the nationality, but the sort of poise and grace I can never hope to have.
When I was 19 years old, I was dating a man we'll affectionately call "The Alcoholic" or AA for short. AA and I shacked up together after my previous boyfriend shacked up with his "big brother" in his fraternity AKA some random blonde who he slept with on my birthday after getting piss-drunk and then called me to have me come get him the next morning. Oh yeah. THAT guy was the first person I ever slept with. Ever. And he didn't cuddle.
Bastard.
I digress.
So AA and I shacked up. He was a poet who was trying to learn to be that guy from "A Beautiful Mind" but was ending up more like what would happen if Ike Turner and James Joyce had a baby. If you're unsure about those references - Ike Turner took to beating Proud Mary and James Joyce was a good Irish who lost his damn mind and wrote a couple of books; one of which ends and begins in mid-sentence. Good stuff.
So, AA was a drunk, hot-mess, Irish, poet who really liked to see his handprints on my flesh. Not my finest hour.
He was also the man who taught me how to be a grown-up...or at least put me on the path to become what I am today. In addition to telling me that I was really more into being the victim than was generally acceptable, he also said this:
"You know, someday, you're going to have to start dressing professionally instead of like some gothic-slut-poet-nerd. Because, like, people aren't going to take you seriously as a doctor if you look homeless all the time."
Oh, really.
Well, it turns out, the idiot/asshole savant was right. I'm about to have to buy a new wardrobe. And I'm conflicted about this. I do NOT want to dress all stodgy and gross and dull. But I don't have enough money or a small enough ass to dress in an appropriately adorable/professional manner. I am all atizzy. What to do?
A. Lose weight.
B. Win lottery.
C. A and B
D. Revert to 19 and give the world the finger.
Man....D is so very tempting.
About Me
- Dr.Mama
- I use this blog to comment on the world as I see it. Sometimes that's negative...sometimes it's positive...but it will always be truthful.
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finger!!!!
ReplyDeleteD, FTW!
ReplyDelete(Ike Turner and James Joyce would seem to cancel each other out in their awfulness. I hope I don't have nightmares about that whole reference tonight.)
Okay you can dress nice and not look stodgy- I do it every day :)
ReplyDeleteYou just need to find what style works for you and still fits inside the parameters for work. If I was there I could totally help :(
I love you. No, really. I do.
ReplyDeleteI live like i'm giving the world the finger. It works out so-so. That's the thing about giving the world the finger. When you're doing it, you can't take the world seriously (or rather the world isn't taking you seriously). At some point it’s about playing by the rules and when you’re flipping off the world you’re not acknowledging that the rules apply to you. They Do. Dressing professionally is just a way for others to acknowledge that you, too, can play by the rules. That’s why it’s important. You finally acknowledge the rules and realize that they apply to you and you want to be taken seriously.
Ann Taylor and stodgy don't suit you. I think a pencil skirt and the right dose of attitude are a great match to your sardonic wit.
You've got a PhD, you're not a size 2, and you know better than to be some passive girl who isn't getting any attention.
You are in the fortunate position to say something and be taken seriously. Of course you want the clothes to match.
I don’t want to see you all Maggie Gyllenhaal in “the secretary” (stodgy) or even Christina Hendricks in Mad Men… but if they had a love child that mixed the muted with some good color and the ill-fitting to the tailored you’d have a very well-rounded mix.
My fix is simple. Find a tailor. Make sure that anything you wear, you are wearing to its full potential. Fit is the anti-stodgy. You want to look in the mirror and take yourself seriously. That way you know when people are looking at you later on, that they’re doing the same thing.
You can rock the Target, you can rock the Old Navy as long as it’s tailored it’s going to a look a lot more professional. This way later, if you lose some weight, or win the lottery you’ll already have someone on speed dial to alter all those fancy new clothes you’ll be buying.
Sigh - just move here and be my stylist so I don't have to put any energy into it. But yes, you're right...a 50's sort of quirk is the way I'm heading. And I bought a pencil skirt today. :)
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