Cubical Warfare

I work in a shared office. I share this office with about 20 people. Before I was demoted for having a vagina and for not being 50 just yet, I had an office all to myself...it was blissful...I digress. In said office, I have hung the things that have been re-homed from days when I had a modicum of respect on my cubical wall. I have a fish, a few photos, a calendar, a few drawings from the kids. Good stuff. The thing is...I work beside a dude who will NOT get off the phone. Every single day it goes like this: "Hi, Marjorie? This is INSERT NAME HERE. I was calling....hmmmmm hmmm har har har...well, you see, I have a silly question. I got this phone, you see, and I was told that the data plan was included in the price of the phone and now I'm getting charged for data and I was hoping you might extend your kindness to me and explain what data actually is." Awkward pause. "Oh, thank you for your kindness." Another awkward pause for Marjorie to gag and transfer him to the supervisor she hates most. "Hello? Yes. No, I'm sorry, I apologise, I can't hear you so well...ah, yes, that's better....(grating donkey laugh/inhale....like one long bray) This is INSERT NAME HERE. I was calling....hmmmmm hmmm har har har...well, you see, Marjorie was very helpful, but perhaps you can help me.... I have a silly question. I got this phone, you see, and I was told that the data plan was included in the price of the phone and now I'm getting charged for data and I was hoping you might extend your kindness to me and explain what data actually is." 10 minute pause. Just long enough for me to believe this madness is over. Extensive change in tone. "No, sir. I did not want to get a data plan. I understand that I bought the top of the line smartphone because I'm a pompous asshole and I have to bankrupt myself getting everything top of the line even though I'm teaching instead of practicing medicine except that I like to pull out the MD card....Wait - I digress...sorry. "No, sir. I didn't want to get a data plan unless it was included in the price of the phone as the lady on the phone said it was. No, I do NOT want the data plan. I should be able to browse the internet with my messaging plan." Awkward pause. "Maybe you should define "data" for me." Donkey laugh. "Ah, I see, well...please cancel the data plan for me. You see, I'm a physician who teachers here at XXXXXXXXXXXXX...so I'm always sitting at a computer so I can get on the internet. I recently [3 years ago] moved from Florida and I'm helping my daughter out during a troubled time [unspecified amount of time] and I thank you for your kindess sir. Thank you so much. Thank you. I was also hoping to talk with you about how I can get access to the internet on my phone....." And it will continue. For HOURS. Then he'll call his cable company, a car rental agency...anyone with whom who he can have a 45 minute circular conversation about nothing. We generally like this man. He's sweet, in a grating and saccharine sort of way. But the constant tilting at windmills, on a company phone, in a shared office. I cannot handle it. Reason #1 that I MUST find another job.